The Square Life

So, let's talk about what I'm sure you've been thinking about nonstop these past few days: Euro 2008. How about that final? Hello? Hello? Anyone? Huh, I was told during the match that the final was a huge deal. Sure it was an only-European tournament, but still; you really should have watched it. But you didn’t. Why? 

Look, I’m not going to beat to death the whole Soccer (or football, or futbol, or whatever you want to call it) just isn’t big in the U.S. thing on you. You’ve heard it since even Pele couldn’t sustain the popularity of the sport in America. Big deal. I’d rather mourn the loss of a sport that we Americans really should like. Really, we should.

There was a moment when I stormed out of church on Sunday to catch the last half of the Euro 2008 that I was truly excited. By the time I frantically got my key into the key hole and turned on our television, the second half was a few minutes old and Spain was up 1-0. Unfortunately for me I didn’t care for either them or Germany enough to REALLY care, but nonetheless, there was a definite championship game feel.

For much of the time I was watching, I kept thinking: ‘I don’t know anyone who is also watching this game.” The thought made me kind of sad. No matter how great the game was, I didn’t know of a single one person I could call to talk about it with. (I have a friend named Brenn who played competitive soccer all growing up and in high school, but even he seemed unlikely to be watching.)

When the game ended 1-0, my worry about not having anyone to talk about the game to, was gone. I mean, what was I going to talk about? How there were a couple times when it seemed like there might be a score, but there wasn’t? OR maybe I could’ve talked about how the offsides rule seems to kill all the fun of soccer? See what I mean? And that’s the problem with soccer. Americans don’t have the patience anymore for games that end 1-0. They just don’t. In fact, there was a point in the game where some Spaniard dropped to the ground writhing in pain. When they showed the replay, it looked like the guy was maybe lightly grazed in the chin by an opponents forearm. All of a sudden, a flash image of Manu Ginobili flopping on the ground in a Spurs’ jersey flew across my mind. That part of me that resents the foreign influence on basketball awoke, and suddenly I didn’t care that Americans don’t like soccer.

And that’s the sad thing. Americans should like soccer, but because soccer provides so many reasons not to, they don’t. And, no, they won’t. Not until players stop flopping and the rule of offsides continues to ruin the game. Poor, poor soccer. See you in World Cup 2010.