The Square Life

The 2008 Summer Olympics begin this weekend. I really couldn't be more excited. Well, actually I would be a lot more excited if I wasn’t still in school. Let me just say this: Why anyone would want to be a statistician is beyond me. My Stats class sucks. Anyway . . .

There are a ton of things I want to talk about in preparation for the Olympics. However, since I know as much about gymnastics and swimming as you do—not to mention table tennis, field hockey, synchronized swimming, and all those others—I figured I should just stick with the topic that is keeping me up at night: USA Men’s Basketball. As much as I would love for Michael Phelps to win 8 gold medals (that is not a typo), I would much rather have the Men’s Basketball team take home gold than see Phelps win a single one of those 8. Sorry, but it’s true.

For those of you who have been in the dark the past few years, here is a quick chronology of events leading to the “Redeem Team” of 2008.

·     2000 Summer Olympics in Sydney: U.S. barely beats out the competition to take home the gold medal thanks to a missed three-pointer at the buzzer by Sarunas Jasikevicius in the semi-finals.

·     2002 FIBA World Championships in Indianapolis: The U.S. takes sixth place after losing to Argentina, Yugoslavia, and Spain. On a related note, food storage rates sky-rocketed when most Americans took the outcome to mean the end of the world was upon us. However, it turned out that the world had finally caught up to us.

·     2004 Summer Olympics in Athens: The U.S. came into the tournament with Allen Iverson and Stephon Marbury as their two point guards (Um, hello? Whose briliant idea was this?). Chances are you know what happened—the U.S. was embarrassed and took home the measly bronze. After their pathetic showing, in which players like LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, and Carmelo Anthony couldn’t buy time on the court, the U.S. decided drastic changes needed to be made: No more all-star individuals, hello all-star teams.

·     2006 FIBA World Championships in Japan: After convincing American NBA players to take international teams seriously, and after getting Coach K to take the reigns, the U.S. was shocked in the semifinals when they lost to Greece. Greece had the game of their lives, and shot like 90% from the field. It was a fluke game, but nonetheless, it kept the streak of losses going for the Americans.

And here we are today. After three disappointing performances, the U.S. is entering these Olympics with a lot of frustration and determination that they hope to release on the world. For the passed couple weeks, they have been playing practice games against teams from Canada, Turkey, Russia, Lithuania, and Australia. After the first four games, the U.S. looked poised to earn the nickname “Redeem Team.” However, after this morning’s final practice game against Australia, the U.S. appears vulnerable once again.

As a fan (“fan” is a shortened version of the word “fanatic,” and I am certainly fanatical about this team) I am extremely on edge right now. I have been planning on enjoying a romping. I have been salivating at the idea of the U.S. being the dominant force once again in basketball. After all, this is who we are. Basketball is our game! And even though FIBA has tried time and time again to give the advantage to other teams, I thought we had finally learned how to play the “international game.” After this morning's close game to a team without a single one NBA player, I am not so sure anymore. We looked like a carbon copy of the teams who showed up in Athens and Japan.

Granted, maybe we have figured out the international game, and I’m being too paranoid after this morning’s 11 point victory. Maybe. But if we didn’t, and I have to endure watching them lose once again to a bunch of nobodies, I’m going to be ill. Nobody ever mentions how horrifying it is to be Goliath. All we ever hear about these days is how fun it is to cheer for the Davids of this world. Well, forget the Davids—I’m sick of them. I want a good old-fashioned butt-whooping. I want my wife to come into the living room and say things like, “Oh, it’s not even fair, they should let the other team score more points.” I want blood! Sorry, but I did warn you I'm fanatical.

No matter how things play out for the U.S., we are in for a couple action-packed weeks of basketball.  I get the feeling I am going to come close to having an anxiety attack sometime during this tournament. I remember how nervous I was in 1996 as Kerri Strug took her second attempt at the vault. I was absolutely terrified the U.S. wouldn’t win the gold unless she found a way to stick her landing. I remember dancing wildly with my friends in my parents’ basement after she pulled off the miracle and the team didn’t botch their chance to get gold. AND THAT WAS GYMNASTICS! I can’t even imagine what I’ll do if this year’s Men’s Basketball squad faces a similar situation. Let’s not find out.