The Square Life

After the first weekend of College Football, both BYU and Utah are ranked in the top 25. What exactly does this mean? It means brace yourself.

On Saturday night, while hanging out at my parent’s house watching SportsCenter, something remarkable happened. A graphic of both BYU and Utah’s logos popped on the screen. Then, despite all reason and logic, a brief preview was given of this year’s BYU/Utah matchup in November. It was explained that both BYU and Utah could very easily be on pace for an undefeated season finale which could decide which team will bust the BCS.  

Excuse me? What planet are we on where SportsCenter is highlighting the “Holy War” in August?  

At first I was like, “alright, talk about getting some much deserved respect!” But then, as I let the odd endorsement sink in, my thoughts shifted. I was inexplicably reminded of a time in high school when a hot popular girl started to talk to me in English class. At first I was like, “alright, talk about getting some much deserved respect!” But then I remembered that I was still the kid who slept all during class and probably smelt like grilled onions from Wendys.  

I became suspicious of that girl. As it turned out, she wanted help with a school assignment. After all, I knew my place, and I knew that girls like that don’t want anything to do with guys like me unless they need something. I knew she couldn’t have actually . . . well, you know. I quickly helped her with her little project, made sure to act like I didn’t care, and went on with my life as the kid who sleeps during class and smells like grilled onions. 

As I recalled this memory this past weekend, I realized the national media was probably up to something equally conniving. I mean, since when is there outspoken respect for us Utah schools this early in the year? Sure Utah beat Michigan on Saturday and we had a great season last year. But what is going on here? Call me paranoid, but I smell a rotten fish.  

Are they trying to get our heads too big, so we trip up against “inferior” competition? Are they secretly making fun of us? Leading us on? Trying to get votes for the upcoming homecoming queen contest? Wait—wrong one. What are the national sports guys up to?

I think both BYU and Utah fans should be very suspicious. If anyone from a national media source comes knocking at your door, yell “nice try, hot shot!” and close your blinds. Trust me: they are not your friends. 

Perhaps they just need help with a project. But what project? And why do they need our help? Let’s not give them the satisfaction of cheating us out of our dignity. 

Or maybe, just maybe, they really are into us. Maybe they actually think we’re really good programs that can compete with anybody in the nation? Maybe they feel the time to include us Utah schools in the national debate has finally come. Maybe I'm overreacting. Maybe they do like sleepy faces and grilled onions.  

Nah, they’re up to no good. I’m sure of it!  So, brace yourself. 

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NOTES FROM SATURDAYS COLLEGE FOOTBALL GAMES 

* Call me pessimistic, but I am worried about Austin Collie. There were multiple times on Saturday that he and Max Hall were not on the same page. And his fumble deep in NIU territory early in the third quarter dramatically changed the mood of that game . . . in a bad way. Sure, Pitta was an absolute monster receiving balls, but if we’re going to have the storybook season everybody seems to be anticipating, we really need our stud wide receiver to step it up. And soon.  

* O’Neill Chambers apparently promised his coaches that would return either a punt return or kickoff return for a touchdown. And he will fulfill his promise. After watching him on Saturday, I am certain of it.  

* Utah fans are growing up. I’m proud of them. After they beat Michigan in the Big House, they were talking about they should have done better at executing down the stretch. In olden times, they used to celebrate big wins by tearing down goal posts, or mailboxes, or whatever they could get their hands on. Now they make poignant observations about the team looking forward to the rest of the season. I’m in shock.  

* I think Florida is the second best team in the nation. The best? I’m going to have to go with the USC team that went on the road to Virginia to obliterate the Cavaliers.