The Square Life

So, I joined my first fantasy football league this past week. Actually, I joined my first two fantasy football leagues this week. Let me just say that the term “fantasy league” is aptly titled.

I have held off for a long time on the fantasy thing. I made a half-hearted attempt last year, but never actually went to a single one website to get started. This year I decided that enough was enough, and I needed to give it a try. And by the time I started tinkering with my draft rankings, I was already completely hooked.

I was fulfilling fantasies that I didn’t even know that I had. I was secretly referring to myself as GM Kearl, and giving rankings to people I passed on the street. “Hmmm, he’s got good upside with the height, but look at those clothes: trendy as I’ve ever seen. I need a leader, not a follower. Fourth round tops.”

Then the actual draft took place. In a single one second, I suddenly cared more about the athletes I acquired than I think I have ever cared about a single one NFL player. Okay, that’s a stretch, but it was still eerie how much I suddenly wanted a random group of guys to live up to their potential. Last night, I was tempted to pray that Braylon Edwards foot is fully healed. If nothing else, I’m developing charity, right?

All of this got me thinking that there need to be more fantasy leagues, ones for more important things than football. Like Fantasy Congressman. For instance, for every fulfilled promise, a congressman or senator would get a set amount of points. For every bill they help pass which reduce taxes, more points. And so forth. That way, people might actually care about their elected officials, and they would therefore have a more vested interest in the performance of their elected officials. Genius, right? I got Congressman Ron Paul in the first round. That guy gives it straight.

Another idea would be Fantasy Actor. For every year, you would pick a couple actors and actresses, and depending on how well their movies do in the box office that year, they get so many points. “Sure he didn’t get an Oscar nomination, but the guy killed in Fantasy Actor!” Think about it? How fun would that be? I got Will Smith in the first round, and my sleeper is Bill Murray. He’s bound to pull another blockbuster before he’s too old.

The possibilities are endless. And we could make local fantasy leagues too. Like Fantasy PTA. Hmmm, on second thought, that one sounds stupid. But we’ll think of something fun we can do for local fantasy leagues. After all, I have faith in the fantasy system.

At least I think I have faith in the fantasy system. We’ll have to see how this first weekend goes. I get the feeling that if my teams do really well I’m going to become addicted to fantasy leagues. Of course, if they don’t, I may just desert the whole thing, and claim it was only a fantasy. Wait. . . . Oh no, I’m stuck!