The Square Life

(Warning: This article takes sports a little too seriously. Given the nature of the topic I chose to address, it was inevitable. Sorry. Also, I am a BYU fan, and as much as I tried to avoid it, this article is very biased. I write this article that the rivalry may be understood . . . from my perspective.)

In all of sports, no three words can get me more riled up than these: BYU versus Utah. Anything with those three words forces me to grab a glass of ice-cold water, so that I may cool down. When BYU’s basketball team plays the ‘U,’ I get so into it that I sweat in places I didn’t know I could (like my earlobe). Shoot, when I find out that BYU’s lacrosse team is playing Utah’s, I clench my fists and pretend I actually care about lacrosse. But when those three words are relating to football? Well, that’s a whole other story. I need to get a large glass of ice-cold water, a heavy-duty fan, and I need to take a cold shower. And even then my blood is boiling. 

I’m a mostly sane person. Promise. But when it comes to BYU-Utah, I am border-line crazy. Every November, when the two teams collide, I feel like one of those Middle-Easterners you see on CNN. You know, the ones who are throwing rocks and chanting and screaming obscenities at who knows what? 364 days a year, they are crazy foreigners to me. The day of the so-called “Holy War:” brothers. Before I even knew of such a thing as the Middle-East, I felt this way about the rivalry. Of course a large part of my craziness is a result of who I am. 

I grew up in Sandy, Utah. My parents both attended the University of Utah. My two older brothers ended up graduating from the ‘U.’ Accordingly, it is safe to say that I come from a ‘U’ family. Not that my family is that into sports. I was always the one fighting off my siblings on the weekends to watch whatever game was on. I was obsessed with sports as a child to the point that it wasn’t healthy. My dad liked sports, but never had time for it, and he never got as into it as I did. Except for when BYU played Utah.  

How I became a BYU fan is simple. God came to me in a vision and told me they were the one true program. I kid, I kid. (Sorry, I had to say something like that to tick off every ‘U’ fan out there. They’re so sensitive.) Actually, how I became a BYU fan is simple. It involved two things: my hero and a ball. My next-door neighbor—and coolest guy ever as far as I was concerned—was a hardcore BYU fan. And every Saturday during the fall time, we (he and my brothers) would get together in my parents backyard and play football with his cool blue BYU football. The rest was history. 

I remember my first experience with the rivalry. Some kids at my school were badmouthing BYU the week before the big game. They were saying BYU is stupid, and how Utah was going to kill them. At the time, I thought this was the most ludicrous thing I had ever heard. “Wait, you guys don’t like the BYU? Really?” As the subsequent years passed, I learned to hate the ‘U’ as much as they hated BYU, except the only reason I hated them was . . . well, because they hated us. As we’ll get into later, this is the foundation for why BYU fans really hate the ‘U’: because they hate us. But I’m jumping ahead of myself. 

All growing up I was pure blue, through and through. After my mission, I applied to go to BYU, but my application was denied. The most convenient thing to do at the time was to go to the ‘U’ until I gained enough credits (and hopefully ‘A’ grades) to be accepted at the ‘Y.’ In the fall of 2004, I applied for and gained admission to the University of Utah. That November, the Utes needed only to beat BYU to be the first Non-BCS team to bust the BCS. It would have been great for the conference, and in the long run, even BYU. Like many ‘Y’ fans, I wanted a new coach, and I knew if the ‘U’ beat the ‘Y’ that year, we would be that much closer to getting our wish. And I was a ‘U’ student for goodness sakes. Going into the game, I honestly thought I didn’t care who won that year. 

Then the kickoff flew in the air. By the time the ball landed, my blood was boiling. No, it was so hot, it was past boiling—it was a gas. Despite all reason and logic, I venomously rooted against the ‘U.’ What did it for me was that I was at a big party, and suddenly I realized that I had never seen so many “Utah fans” in all my life. And they all had brand new Ute caps and shirts, price tags and all. I remembered all the things Utes say about BYU and its fans. I remembered that even though I was a ‘U’ student now, I would be a ‘Y’ student later. Basically, I remembered who I really was. And I never again flirted with the idea of not caring who won.    

So that’s my story. When I first started cheering for BYU, there was very little opposition. Utah wasn’t very good, and we dominated the rivalry pretty much all of my childhood. Then in the mid-nineties, there was a swing in the results. The ‘U’ started winning just as much, and then they started winning more. Like most rivalries, ours has always had bad blood. We don’t get nearly as much national hype as Michigan-Ohio State, Oklahoma-Texas, and others, but there is every bit as much bad blood in our rivalry. The reasons are pretty basic: proximity, prominence, and the ‘R’ word. (The word is religion, but ‘R’ word has a certain mystic charm. Don’t you think? No? Oh, okay.) We are close to each other, we are both usually good teams, and . . . well, this is Utah: everything relates to the Church one way or another. 

Sports are supposed to be for fun. And they usually are. But competition sometimes gets ugly and this as much exemplified in sports as anything. I’m the first to admit that sport sometimes brings the worst out of people. It’s true. When sport gets “personal”—as they say—it gets ugly. BYU-Utah is very personal. Chances are, if you are a BYU fan or a Utah fan, you know dozens—even hundreds—of people who root for the other school. So when these people you know start berating your school of choice, it feels personal. And somewhere between “lucky game” and “overrated” and “Stupid, no-good, downright pathetic idiots,” you start getting angry.  

And then the gloves come off. The gloves come off in the BYU-Utah rivalry usually around the same time somebody is crazy enough to bring up religion. Now, from my experience, it is the Utah fan which usually brings it up first, but for the sake of this article, let’s pretend it doesn’t matter who brings it up first. In truth, it doesn’t matter, because both sides are thinking it. It is on the topic of religion that pushes BYU-Utah from rivalry to really big rivalry. Anybody who denies this is smoking something foul. (And if they’re smoking, they’re obviously a Ute fan . . . relax, I’m kidding) 

(I don’t want to beat around the bush too long, but I know that I have to be careful when I talk about these things. But, eh, who cares. What’s the worst that can happen? Is some Ute fan going to think I’m sanctimonious? That’d be something new.) 

I recently had a conversation with a friend of mine about the BYU-Utah rivalry. We were talking about how so many teams in the Mountain West Conference hate BYU, and how they treat every game with us like it’s their rivalry game. (For instance, do you think TCU was as psyched for the Utah game as they were for the BYU game? If you do, you’re crazy. Seriously, stop reading this article and check into a mental institute.)  

I mentioned that I believed BYU had so many haters in the MWC because they were the most successful non-BCS football program in our lifetime. What I meant by that was: 1) We were the only program to win a national title, and 2) We have dominated for the most part since the late 70’s, and even had a Heisman winner. Another reason I mentioned for our being hated was the “Mormon element” the team possesses. That’s right, I went there. As can be expected, it got ugly from there. 

Acting as a token Utah fan my friend came out with the “victim card” accusation towards BYU fans, claiming BYU fans act like we’re being persecuted for our beliefs. He talked about how BYU fans are arrogant and act holier-than-thou. He pointed out that even though he is fed up with BYU football he still has his temple recommend (i.e. he is in good standing with the Church). He said things about how you can’t mix church with football, and that BYU fans are hypocritical. He said other things, but anybody from the Beehive State gets the point. He spattered out the standard anti-BYU rhetoric. 

Can my friend be blamed for what he said? Not as much as you might assume. What he said is a result of a pattern that has been established between BYU and Utah fans. It’s a lose-lose conversation that is both pointless and destructive. So let’s break it down. 

First of all, let’s address the issue of BYU fans. In all reality, they really aren’t much different than other fans of other teams. There are some who take their fandom a little too seriously, some who are fair-weather supporters, and some who are plain stupid. That comes with the territory for any team and their fans. But what about the BYU stereotype? As are all stereotypes, the BYU fan stereotype is less than flattering. 

You can picture him now: kind of tall, parted hair, outdated jeans up a little too high, t-shirt tucked in, with one of those braided belts. He carries with him his day-planner, a calculator, and an army-sized Book of Mormon. He boasts the best home-teaching percentage and scorns neighbors who watch “R” rated films. He firmly believes BYU won the 1984 National Championship because God thought it would help the missionary work throughout the world, and specifically in the BCS regions of the nation.  

(Note: the above stereotype is the BYU student in the eyes of a ‘U’ fan.) 

Of course, like I said, this stereotype is not flattering, and 99.9% of the time it isn’t true. But Ute fans love this guy. He makes it so easy to hate BYU fans. Why? Because he is a bit of a dork. He is sanctimonious, judgmental, out of step with today, and he actually thinks God cares about sports. (Admittedly, the percentage of the stereotype jumps from .01% to 3% in the Marriot School of Business. However, the percentage of arrogant students in Utah’s medical school is somewhere around 30%. I’m digressing aren’t I? Sorry. I’m not sure about these numbers, so don’t hold them against me . . .) 

The real BYU fan isn’t quite like this. The real BYU fan knows the difference between sports and religion. He understands that not every member can or should go to BYU. He has plenty of friends who don’t go to BYU (even some from the ‘U’), and despite the fact that he goes to a Mormon school, he really isn’t much different than any other “typical” Mormon. He may joke around and say things about BYU being God’s school, but anyone who takes him literally, doesn’t understand him very well. 

The typical BYU fan is perfectly aware that the school they go to is a Mormon school, and all that that entails. They know all about the honor code, and as the “typical” BYU student, they follow the honor code as best they can. They take pride in their faith, and there’s a good chance they even served a mission. If you put him and an LDS ‘U’ student in a box, and shook it up, there is a fairly good chance you wouldn’t know the difference. 

I won’t say there aren’t some holier-than-thou students here at BYU. That would be lying. But they are the exception, not the rule. Ute fans love to see them as the reverse of that, and they like to think these stereotypical few represent the whole of BYU. Why? Because it makes it easier to hate us.  

“Now, now,” you naysayers are thinking, “there you go playing the victim card again.” Here’s the thing about being a BYU fan: We’re always on the defensive. I’ll freely admit this. We don’t mean to be, but it’s true. If we talk to anybody outside the LDS world, they think we’re crazy for our honor code. “You’re not allowed to do what now?” they say. Much like Mormons in general, BYU students always have to explain why they live a very different lifestyle. Many people associate BYU strictly with the Church, or even vice versa.  

Never mind the people who are legitimately anti-Mormon. Reading a typical comment board or blog online, you’ll find all kinds of anti-Mormon rhetoric mingled with anti-BYU rhetoric; as if they are one and the same. BYU fans are literally faced with the task of defending both their faith and their school simultaneously (not that they have to defend anything, but still). Therefore, is it really such a wonder that sometimes BYU is accused of mixing church and football? What do people who hate Utah say to antagonize them? Something about how they’re the Utes, and yet their mascot is a bird? Something about how easy it is to get into their school? Maybe, but that isn’t exactly about to make anybody get as defensive as they would if somebody questioned their religion.  

When we are dealing with non-BYU Mormons, we are still on the defensive. You can hear them if you listen carefully; they’re always somewhere saying the same things. “I don’t have to go to BYU to be a good Mormon.” “You know, I know a guy who went to BYU, and he smoked a cigarette.” Somehow, every time any BYU student breaks the honor code, every Utah fan gets an email with the details of the sin committed by the student. And because of that student, all BYU fans and students are proven to be hypocrites. End of story.  

I can’t tell you how many times people have told me about some random BYU person who did something really bad or immoral. And at the end they always say something like, “and they went to BYU.” Well, then, that proves it. Of course, it should be pointed out that nobody keeps tally on Utes who are immoral. Not that the school is filled with all kinds of horrible people, but nobody seems to care what they do. In all of my time at BYU, I can’t remember anybody ever talking about some immoral person they know at the ‘U.’ And having gone to the ‘U’ for a semester, I know the silence in Provo isn’t for a lack of evidence against their rival. In other words, in my experience those Ute supporters that are always accusing BYU of being judgmental and hypocritical are—FROM MY EXPERIENCE—the more judgmental and hypocritical. But like I said, you just don’t hear about them. 

BYU students, you do hear about. Once they sign the honor code, they are held to a higher standard: both literally and in social contexts. You would think that agreeing to do what BYU students do would be something Ute fans would respect, especially since many Ute fans are LDS. But no. They look at the whole thing as a way in which BYU students act holier-than-thou. Especially the athletes.  

(Random question for LDS ‘U’ fans: Why do you act like you resent the honor code? Seriously, I don’t get it. Why? The students didn’t come up with it. The people who did are the same people who lead your church. So, why do you act like it’s some ploy devised by sanctimonious Cougars? I can understand those not of our faith disagreeing with it, but why you? Feel free to let me know.) 

I feel bad for BYU athletes. They may be some of the most hated people in all of college sports . . . outside of Provo. Think about it. If you’re a BYU athlete, you are branded (at least by Utah fans) as one of two things: arrogant or hypocritical. You either abide by the honor code and think you’re better than other people, or you’re a hypocrite and proof that BYU is a sham.  

Think about Austin Collie’s remarks last year. First of all, let me be the first to say that he shouldn’t have said what he said. It was stupid. However, nothing Austin said goes contrary to his beliefs. It is a basic LDS belief that if you do your best, and act according to your beliefs, you will be blessed. In our Utah-LDS culture, somebody contributing success, in literally anything, to their doing what is “right,” is perfectly normal . . . and accepted. Except in sports—at least in Utah. Give credit to God in your sports activities, and you might as well burn down a hospital. Don’t do it! 

How often do we see football players from other parts of the country kneeling down in prayer after a touchdown? Fairly often, right? Yet, how many times are these same people ridiculed for doing this? What about after the game, when they thank God for their team’s victory? Nothing, right? Well, what if a BYU student tried to pull that off? Can’t you see massive chaos ensuing on the hill in Salt Lake? So much as mention that God blesses us when we do “what’s right”? Well, it doesn’t quite cause massive chaos, but it does lead to thousands of angry Ute fans. Shouldn’t this strike us as absurd? 

I’m not saying Austin was right. Remember that. But I do believe as he does, that if you abide by your beliefs, you will be blessed to be the best version of yourself. Whether that means catching a long pass on 4^th and 18, I don’t know, but I do believe it. And I don’t believe he should be ridiculed for saying what he said; especially from people who believe the same thing. But let’s continue to think about Austin and other BYU athletes. 

This question is directed to any of you Utah fans who are actually still reading. (By the way, thanks for reading this far . . . I got to hand it to you) What is Austin, and what are his teammates, supposed to do? Seriously. What are they supposed to do? Tell me, please. They come to BYU and agree to follow rules that an astoundingly small majority of other athletes would agree to abide by. They are told time and time again to live a higher standard, to act like a good Mormon, and to “let [their] light so shine before men.” 

That’s hard enough as it is. But then, if they so much as verbalize any of that, they become the topic of scorn and hatred—even by others who are members of the same church that directs them to act this way. Basically, being a BYU athlete is an extremely hard thing to do. Do what you’re asked to do: unfairly hated. Don’t do what you’re asked to do: unfairly hated. (I’m not saying some players don’t deserve some flack; all teams have players who do. But BYU players aren’t half as bad as Ute fans would have you think.) It’s nothing short of a miracle that BYU gets enough talent to compete year in and year out. 

I recently spoke to a BYU senior who is a recognizable player on the football team about the rivalry. Acting anonymously, he answered some of my questions about the rivalry. He confirmed a lot of my previous conceptions. He believes the religious element of the rivalry is huge, and has experienced his fair share of Mormon-related taunting. When I asked him why he dislikes the ‘U,’ he said, “It is simply because they treat you horrible.” He continued, “The things I have had yelled at me specifically are terrible and I would never repeat [them].” (I assume he won’t repeat what Utes have yelled at him so that he won’t break the honor code. Man, he is so uppity!) 

As a BYU fan, and student, I admit I can’t help be biased. But remember, most of my family members are Utah fans. I grew up in Salt Lake, and I even went to the ‘U’ for a semester. I am at least fairly qualified to compare the two schools, and their fans.  

So let’s talk about the typical Ute fan. You can see him now: cargo pants, goatee, baseball cap, and Hollister shirt. Even though he is 100% Caucasian, he considers himself a hip-hop guru, and he has the latest version of the coolest phone. He is technically LDS, but he’s not too worried about abiding by every commandment, he loves The “American Pie” movies, and he owns a big truck. He acts like a Utah fan only when they are doing well, and he thinks everyone at the ‘Y’ is boring, hypocritical, and lame . . . and he’s still bitter after the ‘Y’ didn’t accept his application. 

How did I do? For the record, I was thinking of a specific person I know who will remain nameless. He is how I picture the stereotypical Ute. Like I already said about stereotypes, they should never represent the whole. But still, they are fun to use for argument’s sake. 

The real Ute fan is usually different from this. I have multiple close friends, which I think the world of, who happen to be ‘U’ fans. And many of my family members are Utah fans. A lot of them weren’t when they were younger, and BYU was the dominant program, but I won’t dwell on that. Nor will I dwell on the fact that many others were BYU fans until they couldn’t get into the ‘Y,’ because that would be immature and petty. (I honestly don’t mean to act like this, but I can’t help it. Sorry.) In all honesty, most ‘U’ fans are just like ‘Y’ fans in my eyes. In other words, I like most ‘U’ fans, and consider them to be great people.  

(But here’s the part where I, as the ‘Y’ fan, explain why I don’t like ‘U’ fans).

However, when it comes to the rivalry, ‘U’ fans are crybabies pretending to not care. They are hypersensitive about anything BYU. Like I have already intimated, they (might as well) keep a pair of binoculars to watch their BYU neighbor to make sure he isn’t being a hypocrite. Whenever anybody from BYU mentions something to do with the church, they act as if their testimony is being questioned. If they here a joke about the ‘Y’ being righteous and the ‘U’ being unrighteous, they turn red in the face, and point out something like, “You know, Eric Weddle converted to the church while he was at the ‘U.’” We’re the “uptight Mormons who need to relax,” but they’re usually the ones who act like it come November. 

The non-LDS ‘U’ fans don’t care so much about all this. They just hate the ‘Y’ like other fans anywhere hate their rival. They may hate the ‘Y’ for specific reasons, but they really just fall in place with the rest of the MWC fans who hate the ‘Y.’ In other words, it’s the hypersensitive LDS ‘U’ fans who hate the most. And they’re usually the ones that ‘Y’ fans know the best. And the hate cycle grows . . .  

Then the hate reaches epidemic levels during rivalry week because all the local media run amuck escalating everything. Neighbor is pitted against neighbor, friend against friend, and so forth. Sports talk shows invite the stereotypical few from both sides to call in and act like morons, giving the other side plenty of material the next time they get in a rivalry discussion. They find all kinds of angles to come at you with, and create a dozen new reasons to hate the opposing school. But really, the reasons for the hate are pretty simple.  

The reason I hate the ‘U’ basically comes down to this: they hate us. When I asked my anonymous football player friend why he thought BYU hates Utah, he said the exact same thing without knowing my opinion on the subject. “BYU fans hate them because they hate the BYU fans.”  

I know a girl who used to be in BYU’s marching band. She is as likeable a person as I know. She is kind, fun, has a great sense of humor, and you can feel really comfortable around her. She has never struck me as a person who hates anybody. But she hates the ‘U.’ The reason is simple. Whenever they go to games at the ‘U,’ the fans are incredibly rude, yell all kinds of horrible things to them, and even throw stuff at them. In other words, she hates the ‘U’ because they hate her. (Side note: can you imagine this happening to Utah’s marching band when they visit Provo? Be honest . . .) 

I don’t mean to oversimplify the rivalry, but from my perspective it essentially comes down to this. ‘U’ fans feel threatened by “Y’ fans, and so they hate us. Because they hate us, we hate them. Then, once both sides are on the defensive, people start saying stupid things, followed by the other side taking that stupid comment too seriously. But it doesn’t need to be this way. I don’t need to look at ‘U’ fans and see only the stereotypes, much the same way they don’t need to look at us and see parted hair and braided belts. There can be a better way. And it all starts with awareness. 

Ute fans need to understand the plight of the BYU athlete. They need to at least respect what he is “trying” to do, and not be so hard on BYU fans which don’t practice what they preach. They need to be aware that we aren’t so different from them. BYU fans need to respect that there are really good people at the ‘U,’ and that we aren’t in any way better than they are. We need to be aware that Utah’s hate of us is a result of misconceptions. And if it’s not, they’re haters. Who cares what haters think? 

And we all need to be friends.  

Assuming ‘U’ fans can actually understand anything I just wrote . . .  

(Sorry. I tried.)   

***My thoughts on this week’s game*** 

This is a special season, but only because both BYU and Utah have a combined one loss. If I’m being perfectly honest, I don’t think these are the two best teams to have played each other in this rivalry.

As much talk as I’ve heard about BYU being overrated, I’m very surprised I haven’t heard even more overrated chatter about Utah. During which game, exactly, was I supposed to say, “Okay, these guys are really good”? At least with BYU, they’ve had games (e.g. UCLA, second half of Air Force) where I thought we could compete with anyone. 

This rivalry has been very good the past three years, and I expect it will live up to its hype once again. I’m always nervous about the game for obvious reasons (remember, I become a crazy Middle-Easterner).

One big reason I am so nervous is that BYU players seem unprepared to play with the amount of emotion that comes with the rivalry game. Coach Mendenhall requires a great deal of execution and precision (and multiple other words you hear in business school textbooks), and this has lead to success. But his players are also taught to bridle their passions, and remain even keel, for obvious reasons (remember, they have to abide by the honor code). When the Cougars play the Utes, it is virtually impossible to bridle those passions. And they then are forced to play out of their element, giving the upper hand to Utah. 

I am also nervous about Dennis Pitta’s ACL sprain. If we don’t have him on Saturday, our offense is not nearly as strong as it can be. I’ve been told that he should be good to go, but we’ll see. The Utes have a very strong defense, and if they get in the heads of our offense early, things could get ugly. Their defense is quick, and that usually spells trouble for BYU. Remember TCU’s defense? Having said that, I think Max Hall is far too competitive to repeat what happened in Fort Worth against his rival. He’ll step it up, and he and Collie should both have big games. 

On the other side of the ball, I think everything depends on which BYU defense shows up. If the team that played UCLA shows up, we’re in great shape. If the guys that abducted our defense midway through the season show up again, we’re in real trouble. Basically, I’m not scared of anybody on the Ute offense, least of which Brian Johnson. What happens on that side of the ball will depend on us. 

So what do I think will happen? I think BYU will win (of course). I would take Hall over Johnson any day of the week, and I think our win over Air Force was much better preparation for us than Utah’s blowout of San Diego State was for them.  Final Score: BYU 31 Utah 24.   

***Some random observations*** 

Random observation #1: I watched an old replay of the 1998 rivalry game. Remember when Ryan Kaneshiro hit the game winning field goal off the right post? Well, as I watched the replay this past weekend, I noticed an exorbitant amount of Ute fans celebrating even after the refs made the no-good signal. I thought it was really funny. I bet those fans also loved it when John Beck’s throw to Jonny Harline fell imcomplete. 

Random observation #2: Remember how Urban Meyer (you remember him, he had a one-night stand with Utah, and they loved him for it) instated a new rule for the ‘U,’ where they can’t actually use the name “BYU,” but they have to refer to us as the “School Down South”? I used to just think it was another one of Urban’s gimmicks. It recently occurred to me, however, that fear of a name is merely fear of the thing itself. In other words, fearing the name “BYU” shows a fear of BYU. I thought this was funny. I don’t know where I heard this idea, but I’m pretty sure it comes from a credible book written by some British author. 

Random observation #3: When the one player I ever hear Ute fans get excited about is their kicker, Louie Sakoda, isn’t it safe to assume that I should feel good about our odds this week? Seriously, though. Shouldn’t I? 

Random observation #4: President-elect Obama is apparently dead serious about pushing for a playoff in college sports. In an interview on MNF, and again on 60 Minutes, he said that he means to use his office to create change. This poses an interesting dilemma for me. If he actually succeeds in this endeavor, I may be forced to concede that there is at least one plus side to electing a socialist president. Plus, his push of a playoff (sports democracy) would put an end to the BCS (sports socialism). Talk about paradoxical! I don’t know what to think. It’s almost like having to vote for Utah to beat BYU so that our conference can earn some dirty BCS money. Wait.