The Square Life

Two things make March special: March Madness and St. Patrick’s Day. However, St. Patrick’s Day is so hard to appreciate without alcohol (and I don’t drink). College Basketball is played at a very high level, and yet every player on the court is either playing like they may never play again (which might be true), or they are still trying to prove themselves worthy of a career in the sport. Plus, it’s a single elimination 64-team extravaganza! Nothing beats it. Nothing. Think about it; it’s like a church ball tournament, but the players are actually good. Blood, guts, passion, and talent. Who needs beer when you have the Big Dance? Exactly. So, with no further delay, here are some tips to get psyched, fill your brackets out properly, and enjoy this glorious season:

1. YouTube Christian Laettner’s last second shot against Kentucky and watch it at least five times. (“YouTube” is now a verb by the way). If you don’t know what shot I’m talking about, why are you reading this article? Just kidding…sort of.

2. Get familiar with the higher seeds. Don’t just guess randomly who the upset teams will be. Having said that, you never know…that’s the beauty of March Madness. In fact, these tips are pointless. Just kidding. Keep reading. My point is, teams that should never lose will lose, and teams that should never win will win. So follow your heart. That’s what I do.

3. Remember the 5—12 Rule. There is always at least one 12 seed that upsets a 5 seed. Keep that in mind. Also, no 16 seed has ever defeated a 1 seed. Ever. Don’t even think about going with a 16 seed…unless it’s Appalachian State versus Michigan.
4. If you get desperate, fill out as many brackets as possible, and make them varied. That way, you’re bound to do really well on one of them. After the one bracket does really well, claim the rest were a joke. It’s kind of like dating a bunch of girls until one sticks. Pathetic, but it can be effective.

5. Watch every game conceivable. Get work off if you have to-at least on the first two days of the tourney. There will be a couple buzzer-beaters, followed by lots of platonic love and people dancing like they’re on fire. On fire! But you never know when it will happen, so stay tuned.

6. Watch the game with a lot of people. All things are more fun with friends, right? If you are a hugger, this is a must. The emotion during the Big Dance is palpable, and somebody always needs a hug (either for consoling or victory purposes).

7. Finally, don’t play basketball yourself until at least one week after the tourney. If you do, you’ll be so jacked you will definitely tear one of your major ligaments or break someone else’s bones. Trust me.