The Square Life

Have you ever wanted to tackle your crush? Um, let me rephrase that. Have you ever wanted to attack a friend, but didn’t want to hurt them? (Yeah, that sounds better . . . sort of.) Well, if you have, it’s time to play the most fun sports game of them all: snow football. Here are some tips to make the most of this most ingenious activity.

1) Wait until right after a huge blizzard. This way, the fluffy Utah powder serves like a cool pillow to lessen even the hardest fall. Plus, it is a wonderful (and cheap) way to celebrate snowstorms.
2) Wear your thickest snow clothes. The more padding the better. And if everyone comes padded you can tackle as hard as you want—guy or girl. Speaking of guy or girl . . .
3) Co-ed snow football is a must. Nobody is worried about hurting anybody, and it’s the most inconspicuous way to get cuddle time with your crush. Well, it’s kind of like cuddle time. Plus, the postgame hot cocoa is a perfect situation to get real cuddle time. Quick hint: wear a scarf to catch those inevitable bogies. A slimy face won’t impress your crush.
4) Go all out. Seriously, don’t hold back. Go Lawrence Taylor on everyone if you have to. Snow football is a perfect way to release tension without hurting anybody. And oh is it fun to feel like a crazy person for an hour or so.
5) I recommend you wear those mittens with the flaps. That way you can actually throw the ball when you need to, and keep your fingers warm when you’re not. Having said that, don’t expect to throw the ball too much. Snow football is not a finesse game. It’s a grind-it-out tackle fest. It’s like sumo wrestling minus those weird diaper things.
6) This is one time when it’s really fun to have linemen in pickup football. Set some ground rules about who is an eligible receiver, and take turns being linemen. You’ll be surprised by how fun it is. Oh, and don’t worry about “alligators” or “Mississippis.” They’re unnecessary in snow football.
7) Don’t bring your keys to the field. Or wallet. Or phone. You’ll lose them, and nobody wants to dig throw the snow for an hour looking for them.