The Square Life

What is it that makes men want to grow a mustache? As if it weren’t enough that we men get hair in every place possible, we also have to have a fine strip of it above our lip. It is strictly unfunctional too. I’ve grown a mustache and I’ve ruined family pictures because of it. Let me be the first person to tell you that it does not serve any formal purpose. The primary and probably only reason for growing and maintaining a mustache is for looks. Notice the word choice, looks. Men want to look good.

Now, I don’t want to completely bash the stache, but, its lack of function makes it an easy target. You don’t grow a mustache to keep that space between your nose and lip warm. You don’t grow one so that you can comfort a loved one by tickling their face when you hug them. You grow a mustache to look cool. That, or to complete a beard. And that doesn’t even really count because when you have a beard, you have a beard. You don’t have a mustache and some edging.

So, we should define what a mustache is. It is a sole entity. It exists on its own with the exception of the accompaniment of a Fu Manchu. And that’s really just icing on the cake.

And maybe, we have found the answer to our question right there. Why do men grow mustaches? The men who grow mustaches to really grow them are the kind of men who would be fine on their own. They may have families or friends or associates or whatever, but if push came to shove, they could make it just fine on their own. And they are proving it too; but you don’t have to look much further than above their lip to see that.