The Square Life

I was twenty-five and single when my dad suggested I tried online dating. “You should check this out,” he said, referring to a popular singles’ web site. Back in the day, dating for me was feast or famine. Lots of dates at one time, then shortly later, a lull. Whatever current rut I was in, I would never advertise myself on the internet. Online dating in Provo was still taboo and if you were doing it, you were a weirdo.

Two years later, suddenly many of my single friends had user names. It was like an underground network. One friend of mine met a guy from Alaska and moved there to marry him. Just for kicks, I set up a profile and called myself, FUNN. Overnight, I had a flood of interested men knocking on my virtual door.

PILOT AAA flew in from Texas to meet me. He was 31, divorced and had a gentle smile. My ever so thoughtful roommate accompanied me. This was my first online date and I wanted to be safe. I’m sure he thought I was strange for bringing a chaperon, but he did pick up the tab for all of us. Of course, he also built his house in a hanger—so maybe he was the strange one. Next!

1LIVEONE took me to the park for a picnic. It was good conversation until he asked me how old I was. “Twenty-seven,” I replied, to which he responded, “Oh, so your eggs are still young?” What’s that supposed to mean? Obviously a remark directed at my ability for fertility. Next!

BEEMING57 met me in Las Vegas at the base of the replica of the Eiffel Tower. We had a riot doing as many free things on the strip as we could, including a kiss atop the Eiffel Tower. I thought I was in love. What happened in Vegas did not stay in Vegas for us, he returned to California and I went home to Utah. After several months of e-mails and short visits, the romance began to fizzle. There was too much e-mailing and not enough real dating. I learned that while the internet was a good place to meet a potential someone, it did not take the place of real dating. Next!
HMAGIC was the most romantic of them all, coming to my rescue after the BEEMING57 heartbreak. If memory serves me right, he was pursuing two PhDs in music history and harpsichord performance. His explanation of Wagner’s passionate opera, “Tristan and Isolde” had me dizzy with emotion. Unfortunately, our short romance was punctuated by his trip back home to New York and my escape to California. Next!
I spent the next two years logged off the online world and instead lived the singles’ scene in Huntington Beach, California. Surely I would find someone amidst all the young, sun-baked professionals who surfed everyday after work. Didn’t happen. My return back to Utah brought a broken real life engagement and solitary confinement in my first condo purchase at age 30.

At 31, FUNN became THINMINT and I entered the Internet playing field once again. WAGINWHEEL took me on snowmobiling adventures. Hooked on his ex, I was not curvaceous enough for him and I would soon become a member of his online dating hall of fame —really, he showed it to me! While things were cooling with us, his ex returned after several years in hiatus, and the rest is history. Next!
On a whim, I decided to do something I hadn’t done before—send a “flirt” to any guy that seemed interesting to me. I would wait and see what the response would be. This is how I met KENNETH. Not his user name, but his beautiful real name. He was STYMIED when he responded to my flirt.

We met for ice cream. I thought he was quiet; he didn’t care for my jean jacket. We walked over to the bookstore and talked books and music. “He’s kind of a nerd,” I thought, but then so was I. It was not love at first date or second or third. But everything about him was genuine and so became our friendship-- truly genuine. It was unlike any dating relationship I had experienced.
Still, I wasn’t sure if I was attracted to him. I knew he would hold my hand on that date we had at the corn maze. He didn’t just hold my hand; he cradled it in his to keep me warm. I was taken back by the sweet way it made me feel. His caring would soon cradle my heart the same way, a heart that had its share of comings and goings. Our relationship didn’t happen magically, it happened naturally.

Dating, on and off the Internet was all valuable experience. Was it hard? Yes, excruciatingly painful at times. So were the years of engaging single life filled with goodness and grief, pleasures and pitfalls. In cahoots with the cosmos I chose it all, and then I chose him, STYMIED, my sweet husband, KENNETH.