The Square Life

Hmmm…Monday night: 24; Tuesday night: American Idol; Wednesday night: more American Idol and Lost; Thursday: the O.C. and E.R.… My TV. schedule is very grueling.

Keeping all of these plotlines in my head, finding an empty phone line to vote—it is painstaking work. But every now and then I think enough is enough. Ryan Atwood will not mind if I miss one episode. Something must be done to stave off the inevitable atrophy that comes from too much couch time. The only way to avoid the TV junkie brain fog is to get off my duff and move.

But with so many different ways to see what this mass of sinews, muscles, bones, etc., is capable of, it’s hard to know where to start. Barnes and Noble has a fitness section with hundreds of books: Bob Greene’s Total Body Makeover, Body for Life, You: The Owner’s Manual, just to name a few. Every week there is a new fad in exercise and health. Included is a sampling of what they are, where you can do it, and if it is worth missing what happens in the hatch if they don’t enter in the code.

KICKBOXING

What is it A fusion of karate and street fighting, kickboxing is a combination of several self-defensive move. It is said to improve your coordination and sharpen your reflexes. It can also relieve stress.

Doing it I went to a class, expecting to punch the air, and wondering if that was really all that effective. But to my delight, we were supplied with punching bags, and gloves. I had my hands wrapped, and was feeling pretty tough. Then the first song to the mix came on—The Eye of the Tiger. With these factors, I don’t need to tell you that I felt like a bad you-know-what in that class. Punching the bag with visions of Rocky in my head, I was sure that nobody wanted to meet me in a dark alley after this class.
We did many different combinations of kicking, punching, uppercuts, jabs, etc., combined with jumping jacks and other cardiovascular feats. It was hard, but it was fun. I suggest pretending the bag is any person that has wronged you in your life. The intensity of your workout will increase, while you punch a little harder and kick a little higher (or lower…)

On your own I prefer Billy Blanks Tae Bo videos for at-home kickboxing fun. He kicks your butt. He is a bit much at times, telling you to ask your higher power, and “the man upstairs” to “give you some.” Praying for one more leg lift may seem absurd, but by the end of the video, it gets hard enough that you just may consider it.

PILATES

What it is This was created by Joseph Pilates: “a cigar-smoking boxer, acrobat, and gymnast.” He developed his workout over many years in a German internment camp in England during the 40’s. He said, “The whole world should be doing my exercises. They’d be happier.” The exercise revolves around what is referred to as “the Core” of your body—the abdominal wall and spinal muscles—which are the foundation for movement. All the movements are done in a sitting or reclining position, and are said to increase your lung capacity and improve your balance and posture.

Doing it Pilates in its purest form includes several machines that resemble medieval torture devices that pull and stretch and twist your body. I was unable to use them, but I did try some Winsor Pilates at home. I wanted to see if Daisy Fuentes was an accurate source for information. It wasn’t my favorite. I didn’t feel pushed or challenged on most of it, and I was bothered that Ms. Winsor just stood and talked about the movement, while those around her actually did it. It did provide some juvenile enjoyment, while for many of the movements, she told the class to “tweeze your buttocks.”

On Your Own There are so many different videos and books explaining Pilates. There are even books just for men, which claim that initially Joseph Pilates only made the exercises for men. (Luckily his wife Clara helped him change that philosophy).

SPINNING

What is it Spinning is a registered trademark name for indoor stationary cycling. It was developed in the 1980’s by Jonathan Goldberg, a.k.a. “Johnny G,” a cyclist who rode across America in 8 days. He wanted a training device, so he came up with the spinning bike. It allows you to change the resistance of the pedals, to give every different type of scenario you may encounter while biking across the U.S. of A.

Doing it This class is HARD. If you have an aversion to dripping in sweat, don’t go to this one. And be warned, I have a whole new appreciation for the phrase, “pain in the butt.” Those seats aren’t padded. The class was in a small room, with about 20 bikes set up. The lights were off, perhaps to make it more relaxing, and help you in your make believe biking resistance, we are coming to a big hill!!” So you turn the little knob a bit, and wonder if your legs will fall off now or later. “Oh, class, there is a strong wind coming across this mountain! Up the resistance a little more!” Funny, I think. My hill just has a light pleasant breeze. I don’t know where they are biking. She introduced us to a man in the class named Bob. Bob had lost 60 lbs. in 5 months, just by coming to her cycling class a few times a week. She told us that we could burn up to 1000 calories in an hour-long class. I don’t doubt it. My greatest moment was when Stephanie told me I did a really good job. “You must work out a lot!” she said. I left the gym grinning.

On Your Own Get on a bike and go! Across University Ave. and up the canyon is a beautiful stretch of road. And by the time you get to Bridal Veil Falls and beyond, you will feel strong and happy. And then it is a downhill coast all the way back!

WEIGHT TRAINING

What is it Weight training is basically using your muscles to push or pull weighted objects. It has been around since ancient Greece, when Milo of Croton wrote of training by carrying a newborn calf on his back every day until it was fully grown. An early form of the dumbbell is documented as early as the 2nd century. When pushing or pulling, blood is forced into your muscles making tiny tears. When these tears are repaired, they build themselves up bigger and stronger than they were before, creating the tight tone that we all dream of having. It can improve your posture, and increase your metabolic rate, promoting long term fat loss.

Doing it Walking into the weight area of the gym can be a bit intimidating. I see people with perfect bodies lifting things that seem absurd. But upon further scrutiny, I see others. Sure there is the girl in perfect makeup in the little shorts on her cell phone looking like it is the easiest thing in the world to look like she does, but I also see the average Joe’s, an old man in M.C. Hammer pants, and many other less intimidating figures. My main suggestion for this is to find someone who knows what they are doing. A Personal Trainer is expensive, but worth it. They will show you how to use the machines, and push you past what you thought was possible. I wasn’t lucky enough to have such a guide, so I didn’t last long.

On Your Own You can buy hand weights anywhere from Gart’s Sports to Target. The key is getting enough repetition to really push your self to build strength, but not hurt yourself. If you can do more than 12 repetitions, you need heavier weights. If you can’t do more than 8, lighten up. You know you are doing it right if you feel some fatigue and burning in the muscle group you are working.

YOGA

What is it An ancient Eastern practice, it is said to help create a sense of union in your body mind and spirit, bringing balance to your life. Surrender to the “asana,” or pose, and you will become more flexible and toned. A focus on breathing has a calming effect that dissolves stress and anxiety. An ancient yogi, Kathophishad, wrote, “When the senses are stilled, when the mind is at rest, when the intellect wavers not, this steady control of the sense and mind has been defined as yoga. He who attains it is free from delusion.”

Doing it To experience this delusion-free life, I first went to a beginner class at It’s Yoga at the Riverwoods mall. It was just what you would think a beginning yoga class would be. There were small votive candles lit at the front of the room, and the lights were off, which I was grateful for. (Bending in those positions isn’t pretty, from any angle) Before anything else we sat and breathed. We were told to think about each breath, and how good it feels. This went on for several long minutes. The instructor told us that we were warming up our inner organs. Good, I thought. My spleen has needed some work. We stood on one leg, like a flamingo, and were told to think about what balance does for us in our life. Not in the figurative sense, but in the “I can walk upright and stand on one leg” sense. It was, as expected, quite hokey, but I did feel extremely relaxed and calm afterwards and had a good experience.

I thought I was pro, and so I opted for a Power Yoga class at Golds Gym. The lights were off again, and instead of candles, a mist of aromatherapy was sprayed through the room. The best part was the heater on at 80 degrees. This class was less hokey, and much harder. I’m used to aerobics and movement making me sweat. This was static positions held for several deep long breaths, but I was dripping by the end, and days later I was still sore in muscles I didn’t know existed. Our instructor Heather was informative, but not cheesy. And she could do the most amazing things with her body. At one point the class was supposed to be doing a sort of headstand pose. I couldn’t do it, so I sat up to watch everyone else. I saw all 10 students sitting upright as well watching her do impossible stunts with her body. I realized then that Kathophishad was slightly wrong. To think I could do those things was a little delusional.

On your own I tried a Denise Austin DVD. She is a little weird, but this was a good work out. There are also many books you can buy or check out at the library that teach the different poses and philosophies.

AEROBICS

What is it The word “aerobic” means with oxygen. So anything that increases your heart rate, and ups the blood flow through your body is an aerobic exercise. It must be with a high level of intensity for a long period of time. So long distance running is aerobic, but sprinting is not. It is said to strengthen your heart and improve its efficiency, reducing the risk of death from cardiovascular problems.

Doing it Almost every other exercise that I tried was a form of aerobic exercise. My heart was pumping, my pulse was racing, I was breathing hard, but feeling good. So to spice things up a bit, I counted Dance Dance Revolution, the popular video game, as my aerobic experience. Get into those intermediate levels on some of those songs, and you will be breaking into a good sweat. It is addictive, so you are sure to get a long-term workout, and I had the giggles so bad, I was getting a really good abdominal workout.

On Your Own Go running, go dancing, get up and move. There are so many different ways to get the heart pumping. I enjoy anything in “The Firm” video series. They guarantee visible results in just 10 workouts. I’ve never made it past 5, because the amount of squats and lunges make it hard to walk the next day, but when you can do the whole video without taking a break, it makes you feel powerful.

If I were an instructor for any class, I decided I would use the classic John Cougar Melencamp song “Hurts so Good.” I pushed my body to the limits, and it hurt so bad, but it felt so good. Perhaps my TV isn’t so important. Or maybe I just need to invest in Tevo.