The Square Life

Rise and shout! Game day has arrived. We are finally stepping into that most spectacular time of year which brings us golden leaves, hot chocolate, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas all dressed up with America’s favorite sport—football.

There really aren’t many regularly occurring experiences that are more glorious than striding into the LaVell Edwards Stadium on a brisk Saturday afternoon through falling leaves and the heart thrilling fanfare of the Cougar Marching Band. There is a certain romance, purity, and raw exhilaration that comes from being at a college football game. The guys on the field aren’t playing for money, contracts or endorsements. They play with passion and heart because they love football. There’s really nothing like it.

Unfortunately, not every Saturday afternoon at the stadium is glorious; and that’s why we’re here to help. So for challenges that do arise on game day, here is some reasonable advice that may help you eliminate, or at least minimize, those football-bliss detractors.

Survival: Cash Flow

Before you get anywhere near the stadium, we all have to come to grips with the fact that many of us aren’t too thrilled about handing over cash to watch the home team lose. There are two demons to exorcise here. First, after three losing seasons what’s going to happen this year? In short, there is a mountain of articles and reports out there all indicating that things are looking up. Just listen to Coach Mendenhall and you can feel it. Our “heritage is calling” and hope springs eternal.

Second, there is the money issue. While it’s only $15 a game, if you have end zone season tickets, that can add up to a hefty sum for us twenty-somethings. But think of this: if you want to attend a Notre Dame football game in South Bend, it would cost you $56. That doesn’t make the games here any cheaper, but you football fans should be grateful that it’s only $15. As for students at the Y who need only pay $85 for season tickets and free fare to other NCAA sporting events, Notre Dame’s students pay $168 for season football tickets. Just because we’re “square” doesn’t mean we have to be cheap.

Survival: Time, Travel, and Tailgating

You’ve heard it, heritage calling, at least you’re telling yourself you’ve hear dit—it’s a return to BYU football glory and you’ve decided to gird yourself with the Y of heritage and the blue of truth, and you’re going to be in those stands eager to rise and shout. College football is worth the price and your heart is full of hope so you buy the tickets. Great, but, another obstacle has arisen as a stumbling block—traffic. Now most students at the Y are fortunate to be free from the traffic nightmares that haunt the rest of us—a 15 minute walk from your apartment and you’re at the doorstep of a classic Fall frenzy. Yet, for those of us who must make the eager trek to the “Square” football Mecca that is LaVell Edward Stadium, this section is for you.

The best advice I can give is to simply leave early. I’ve spent all but three of my years on this earth in and around the bubble of Happy Valley and have been attending BYU football games for the majority of those years; experience teaches that no plan beats leaving early to avoid traffic. Do so and you can enjoy tailgating festivities, good food, and even participate in the game’s opening prayer. You heard right. Beat the traffic and you’ll hear a prayer broadcast over the stadiums loud speakers—a peaceful beginning to a violent sport.

Alas, in all likelihood you won’t leave in time to make the opening kick-off. Yet, it may not be your fault. You may be Mormon. Tardiness is your culture. Or perhaps it’s your friends and family who just don’t realize the euphoric satisfaction that comes from sitting on that little etched-in-silver number that marks your spot on the bleacher in time to watch the team run out on the field with the band blaring “Rise and Shout.”

To overcome the punctuality obstacle, there are a few persuasive tactics you may employ. If the tardiness is your own fault, the first thing you do when you wake up on game day is get yourself ready to go. Gather all necessary game attendance accessories in one place—binoculars, seat cushion, foam finger, etc. Place all these things by the door, ready to go, hours before kickoff. Once that’s done, make an audible declaration that you are leaving one half hour before you even think it’s necessary to leave. Or try setting all the clocks ahead one hour. Do this and you won’t miss any of the action.

Now if the tardiness is due to friends and family, you’ll have to motivate them. For the music loving group, you can tell them they can get up close and personal with the band who plays at the tailgate party. Similarly, hormonal friends might be motivated if they know that cheerleaders can be seen up close at the same party. This goes for girlfriends as well—take them down to see the hunky players warm-up or even to watch the players going in and out of the locker room. If you’re their early enough you can even get close enough to touch them!

Survival: The Gridiron Gallery

Obviously a lot has already gone into surviving the pre-game day. But what about tips for actually comfortably surviving the game? Surprise! Here are a few situations and suggestions. (Bet you didn’t see this coming.)

First up: families. BYU is a school in a family town, owned by a family-oriented church. Inevitably you will encounter parents with small children. Now kids like to move around a lot. People will therefore be kicked, poked, drinks will be spilled, and potties will side and yell at the young’uns to sit down. No need to sit and watch the game now. Once they find that better half they’ll have a lifetime of games together. How romantic!

In all fairness, not all kids are out of control, some elderly will rise and shout right along with you, and a good number of students have at least some interest in the game—once they’re engaged of course. Blanket statements never define everyone. But there is one type of fellow fan you must be ready for. It’s that guy behind you who from play one is telling the guy next to him every mistake that any given coach, player, referee, and drill team member is making. You know the guy. He’ll act as if the mistakes are painfully obvious and he would make the perfect read, the perfect play call, the perfect diving one-handed grab if they where on the field. You can’t punch him in the mouth if you want to stay in the stadium and avoid a court appearance, so you’ve got to tune him out. You can take a chance and challenge him with a, “And you think you could really do better if you were on the field?” but then you risk being heckled right along with the team for the next two hours. Good luck. That’s sports for ya.

Survival: Practical Points

On a personal note, cheer your guts out for the home team, but be a fan of the game. If the opponents make a great play, you don’t need to cheer, but enjoy the fact that you just witnessed a great athletic feat in a great athletic contest. And the referees aren’t always wrong when they make a call against your team. They certainly will be wrong at times. But don’t blame them for your woes. Above all else, enjoy the tradition that is college football and Brigham Young University, and best of luck surviving game day in and around LaVell Edwards Stadium.