The Square Life

Forget Rome. In our humble Valley, all roads lead to marriage. Yet despite the status quo, I magically escaped a 5-year-stint in the land of newlyweds—Provo, Utah—sans diamond. Now, that may or may not have to do with the fact that I had a nervous breakdown, or that I hold records for the most and the longest on-again off-again earth-shattering dramas. But hey, you lose a lot, and then you win one!  

Shortly after my graduation and move up to the Big SLC, I, the girl who thought marriage was for twitterpated, unenlightened fools, was engaged to be wed. In March my Shmeric (Eric) and I will celebrate our one-year anniversary. And it might be hard for you to believe…but I have a few things to say on the matter.

The greatest conclusion I have come to about marriage is this: It is neither better nor worse than being single. It is simply different. Now, the fact that you have found the love of your life and your best friend—that’s better; or the reality that someone loves you enough to want to be with you forever—that’s better too; but as a state, as a condition, it is simply just different. Marriage doesn’t solve any of your insecurities; it doesn’t make you braver or nicer. You will still be you; you will just have someone to go out to eat with more often.

I hear countless single people say, “Oh when I’m married, I’ll do this” or, “When I’m married, I’ll definitely do that!” as if life does not begin until you are married, as if the person you are right now is jut a placeholder. On the flipside, I also hear (and this is what I used to think) “Oh! If I get married, I can’t do this!” or, “If I get married I will have to abandon all my plans to do that!” Again, marriage will not change your drive and ambition unless you allow it to. And if you marry someone who wants you to thrive and flourish—as you should—you will not be limited from doing what your heart desires.

The first year of my marriage has been the happiest year of my life. I love to pat myself on the back for being so smart and choosing the man that I did. But I believe with all my heart that one reason our marriage is so smooth is that we both approached it with similar expectations. Instead of just planning a wedding and working on our tans, Eric and I spent countless hours reading relationship and self-help books, discussing their theories and then applying them. It’s a big deal, people; you’ve got to put in the man-hours. Neither of us went into our marriage expecting to be anything or anyone other than who we already were, who we had spent our last 25+ years preparing to be.

Marriage is a beautiful gift. To grow with someone, cry with someone, and always be accountable to someone develops your heart in, what I believe is, a very important way. However, it is not the destination. It is one of the many awe-inspiring and important stepping-stones in our life path. It’s a step that comes earlier or later depending on our personal journey, a step that should not be deliberately missed, but also one that we shouldn’t stand around waiting for. Because, like I said, being married’s not inherently better, and it’s not inherently worse. It’s just different.