The Square Life

Should I sell my soul to summer sales this summer or live it up in Provo for another semester?
-Tim

Tim, this is the ultimate struggle of good versus evil. On the one hand, according to sales statistics the average salesperson made an income of 1.2 billion dollars last summer. So that might be helpful in ruling a small country, like Lichtenstein or Mypos. On the other hand, the girl to guy ratio in Provo is 150 girls to every guy, and in the summer that doubles so you might have a healthy dating life. While those other guys are off making their fortunes, you’re dating their girlfriend. Sadly that statistic doesn’t make clear that of those 150 girls 147 of them are married, and of the 3 left, 2 are 18 year old freshmen dorm girls. So unless you’re up for finding that 1 girl, you might want to knock some doors, and buy Microsoft upon your return.

Why don’t the funniest videos EVER win on “America’s Funniest Videos?”
Dogs and babies are not that funny.
-Jason

Jason,
I think the answer to this is simple. You’ve obviously never had a dog or a baby. They are funny. Especially baby dogs (Fun Fact: In some countries baby dogs are called “puppies”). If you don’t believe me take a look at these:

Babies:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5P6UU6m3cqk

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_OBlgSz8sSM&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I5ALIL7T764&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Awm9nE8bJtI&NR=1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wT_tUHOJgmc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r5n6VN7f-0E

Dogs:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YM4sKMCpgYo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hcGpG8fTAe0

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zi9GOvR3Ynw

If you don’t laugh once, I will personally have Square print a retraction

This “friend” on Facebook asked me out on a date through Facebook and when I politely declined, due to the fact that I don’t really know him and the only thing we have in common is our love for “The Office,” he deleted me as a friend. What’s up with that?
-Whitney

Whitney,
Your ex “friend” is petty, immature, and lazy. If he really wanted to ask you out, and make it work he would invite you to a party or some type of social gathering, like watching “The Office” with him and his roommates where you could all hang out and get to know each other in a not too threatening environment. Then if that went well, as he walked you to your car, he could ask you on a date then. Also you’re right a love for “The Office” is not a basis for a good relationship. If that were the case you could also date: The isle of Crete, a 75 year old grandfather from Waukegan Illinois, some cows, a group of fundamentalist cult members, former United Nations Chairman Benjamin Netanyahu, “puppies”, Jaleel White, Taxidermists, a stuffed raccoon and a 1985 HP dot matrix printer. Everyone loves the office! (Except for me. I think it’s gotten too zany.)