The Square Life

No matter where you are, you hear the ring—in the grocery store, in class, in the middle of a seemingly important conversation, and even in line at Taco Bell.

While it may be true that upon death my cell phone will have to be surgically removed from my hand, there are a few rules of etiquette that even I agree with. Even I, who am just as guilty as the next patient diagnosed with blackberry thumb (a REAL condition that refers to a sore thumb due to excessive cell phone use and text messaging), can admit to the dire need for a crash course on the do’s and dont’s of cell phone use. Believe me, this general education requirement (which may need to be adopted by UVSC and BYU) is not unnecessary—and if your mouth is ajar because you are appalled at thinking about what our technological world is coming to, CLOSE IT IMMEDIATELY! Just read on because I can guarantee you are guilty of at least one of the following symptoms for possible diagnosis of cell phone stupidity.

Symptom #1 Bad Case of the “Always Available” Syndrome

First of all, this is just plain rude. Secondly, it is called voice mail! Like I said, I am as guilty as you are; however, how annoying is trying to order behind the slow poke who is catching up with a friend about who got voted off the Bachelor last night? As if this isn’t bad enough, please stop answering the phone while you are on a date. Unless it concerns your plans for the date or a death in the family, don’t answer your phone. A date is not the appropriate time to ‘chat it up’ with an old high school friend on your cell phone. This tells your date that someone else is more important and that you would rather be talking to them. Even if this may be true (as it so often is in the dating world), fake it! You are on a date for crying out loud.

Symptom #2 Sore Throat...from always cutting people off to answer your phone

We have all been telling that amazingly hilarious story just approaching the climax only to hear a cell phone singing Madonna’s Material Girl! As if having to hear Material Girl as a ring tone (for the hundredth time) wasn’t annoying enough, the person you were talking to actually chose Madonna over you. How rude! I have been cut off one too many times to not include this one in the rule book. Some of the more mild cases do actually say, “Sorry, let me answer this.” But, there are a few (actually a lot) who are terminal just because of this one symptom. They answer a call right in the middle of a conversation. Do you think they care about what you are saying? Apparently not.

Symptom #3 Swollen Glands from Screaming (AKA Loud Talker Syndrome)

How many people do you really want to know about how you totally got stood up last night? How many people do you want to know about your inability to get along with your roommate or your mom? I don’t know about you, but I don’t want everyone to know all the details of why I broke-up with my boyfriend…and when we got back together. So, what would I prescribe for the Loud Talker diagnosis? Turn down the dang volume! Stop talking so loud on your cell phone. There is some information that needs to be kept persona—imagine that.

After being informed of the symptoms that cause cell phone stupidity, you now need to turn on your technological immune system. Rush to the emergency room if you have to, but don’t let it spread. If you have a mild case of cell phone stupidity, stop it while you can. Closely monitor symptoms until the always available syndrome, sore throat from always cutting people off to answer your phone, and loud talker syndrome subside. If you are terminal (and jealous of those with only a mild case), turn on the technological immune system and the common sense. Consider someone else’s feelings. Consider actually listening to your date or whomever you are talking to. Consider having manners. Our world is technology and cell phone centered. It’s a wonderful thing. But, try not to forget that people still have feelings. Try to show consideration. Try to steer clear of Blackberry Thumb. And most importantly, if needed, try to schedule a doctor’s appointment.