The Square Life

We have all been there. She finally agreed to ‘hangout’ with you. He finally got the courage to text, or if you are extremely lucky, call you. The night has finally come when you will be going - I mean, hanging - out with that special someone. As nervous and awkward as you both were, the first night went well. You had on your designer jeans, and were definitely giving out the vibe. Your hair was perfect - it was hotter than Ashton Kutcher’s controlled mess or Jessica Simpson’s perfect curls. The date went so well that a second, and even third date, was arranged. But, now you have hit the wall.

If you follow popular regime, it is now time for you to begin ‘Couch Dating’. ‘Couch Dating’ is the ever popular activity of watching a movie, “Who’s Line is it Anyway,” “Fresh Prince of Belair” reruns, and any other program found on late night television, every night of the week. Not only do you sit on the couch and watch these programs with the one you call special, but you call it a date.

As hard as I have thought about this, I just can’t seem to fig- ure it out. How can you get to know anyone through ‘Couch Dating’? Do you listen and take mental note of the jokes they are laughing, or not laughing, at? Do you completely analyze each move theymake when sliding a little closer to you on the couch and consider your relationship to be progressing? However we choose to rationalize the effectiveness or ineffectiveness of ‘Couch Dating’, we keep doing it! The real question we need to ask ourselves is “why?” Why do we repeatedly cause our relationships to end up on the couch watching T.V.? Through a lot of daydreaming and much contemplation I have figured it out. I now understand why we are so easily tempted and sucked into ‘Couch Dating’. Here are the reasons you are guilty of becoming a couch dater:

You are just plain boring

I hate to break it to you, but if you can’t think of a single thing better to do than sit on the couch and watch Carlton do his famous awkward dance moves, you are what I like to call a ‘fun-hater’! Get off the couch, get a good idea, and do something with yourself (and your date).

You live by the “No mon, no fun” principle

As a starving student you are constantly clipping coupons and eating lunch at Costco on free sample day, but that does not need to affect your social life. There are many activities to do that don’t cost a dime. You can play tennis, go mountain biking, have a picnic, take a hike (which your date might tell you to do if you don’t get an idea soon), rollerblade, longboard, or adopt a highway for all I care. Just realize, no mon does not equal no fun.

You are ‘Couch Dating’ a brown bagger

First of all, don’t you dare ask what a brown bagger is - we all know. You are hanging out with someone who you are embarrassed to take in public. You aren’t that attracted to them and think that they would be perfect if you could just put a brown bag on their head, bless their little heart. Just a little F.Y.I. - if you are embarrassed to be with someone in public, you should not be dating them!

You are just looking for the ever popular n.c.m.o.

Religious practice of ‘Couch Dating’ should be a red flag to anyone that he, or she, is just not that into you, as authors Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo, would say. If you are looking for a non-committal make-out you will find it through ‘Couch Dating’. But, if you actually feel you have enough social skill to pursue a real relationship, finding a N.C.M.O. partner is not a very good method of achievement.

After contemplating ‘Couch Dating’, it is obvious that the cons outweigh the pros significantly. Actually, I am not even sure any pros exist. Former couch daters, you have now been forgiven. You are not accountable for what you did not know. But now you are responsible for any action you may take toward perusing a ‘Couch Dating’ relationship. The world of dating is a scary place to enter. But, let me assure you it is not as terrifying as you may think. There are ways to alleviate the stress of actually planning a date. The most painless way to rid yourself of the stress of planning a date is to do just that: PLAN. It is time to put into practice what years of schooling have taught you. It is time to put to use the most important saying teachers told you. Put on your thinking caps! Get creative and get off the couch.