The Square Life

Sure we’re in Utah. But if you’re headed to the ocean this summer and planing to try surfing, then you’ll want to read this.

HOW NOT TO SURF
Setting: A common, beautiful day on the North Shore of Oahu, when I was living in Hawaii attending school. Sheldon, my Canadian friend, was visiting and was anxious to learn to surf. We were sitting on the shore at Ehukai Beach Park watching the waves nearly double over heads, meaning the wave was twice as high as the surfer riding the wave. Sheldon turned to me, nodded toward the break, and said, “I think I’m going to go surf.” The break he was referring to was Banzai Pipeline, notorious for its huge waves that break in shallow water just above the razor sharp, meat-eating reef. More surfers and professional photographers have been seriously injured or killed at Pipeline than at any other surf break in the world. Now, it’s important to understand I love to surf, and I am always down for a challenge, but at the same time, I know my limitations. There was no way I was going out there. I hesitated to react to his suggestion. I thought about it for a moment, weighing the options in my head:
A: I could advise that it was a bad idea, knowing he could go out and possibly die.
B: Say “Go for it” because, who knows, he may be a natural born surfing anomaly and catch his first wave at Pipeline.
or
C: Say . . .
It was too late; Shel had grabbed a board and gone running Hasselhoff style into the water. Suddenly, it hit me how bad of a situation this was, so I picked up my board and gave chase. I reached the water just in time to see Sheldon struggling to paddle up a foaming mountain as a wave was forming. All I could do was yell, “paddle harder,” knowing he wasn’t going to make it over the wave. Sure enough, the wave began to curl over just when Sheldon reached the top. The lip, or top of the wave where it curls, caught hold of him, and as he held tight, the water, plus gravity, flipped him over backward and face down. Then he dropped head first nearly twelve feet into the knee deep waters below. His tumble over the falls was quickly followed with a burial of thousands of gallons of seawater.

Luckily, Sheldon lived through his first attempt. After very little prodding he decided to try again at a much safer break a little down the beach. At the end of the day, Sheldon’s stomach and chest were raw from the rub of the grains of sand between the surfboard and his skin. His face and back were sunburned and worst of all his shoulders and arms were rendered painfully useless from the fatigue of paddling. To add insult to injury, he was ticked because he never caught a wave.

HOW TO SURF
Do you remember the movie Airborne? It is the classic story of Michale Goosen (Shane McDermott) the young surfer kid from California who moves to Cincinnati to live with his cousin (Seth Green). In his new town he finds it hard to fit in with the hockey-obsessed high school crowd—that is, until they become united in the art of rollerblading. It used to come on TV a lot when I was maybe 12. Anyway, when Mitchell Goosen is introducing himself to his new classmates in Cincinnati, he shares the following gem in regards to surfing:

Mitchell Goosen: Mitchell Goosen at your service. Don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. Don’t care. As long as I live near the beach and don’t have to wear a tie. Then I’ll be stylin’.
Augie (Jack Black): St-st-stylin?
Mitchell Goosen: Let me tell you about stylin’. I’m talkin’, the perfect A-frame wave spittin’ salt water in your face. I call it ‘liquid draino, wanna be bullwinkle.’ I tell you no lies, my friends. It’s the consciousness.

The important part of that eloquent mono log is the last few words: “It’s the consciousness.” Or in other words, it’s a state of being. If you keep this principle in mind, it will change your whole experience in learning how to surf. Let me explain.

Surfing is not just standing up on a board and riding a wave; rather, it is the whole day’s events from strapping the boards to the top of your car, to showering off the sand at the end of the day. In fact, one of my favorite surfing memories was on an unrideable, stormy day when some friends and I paddled out just to enjoy the ghastly weather. Don’t get me wrong. Nothing beats the feeling of a good ride, but surfing is the whole experience and not just the few seconds you are standing on your board.

Let’s go over a few pointers for your first day out:
First, preparation: Surfing is extremely tiresome, especially on your shoulders and arms. So, it’s never a bad idea to spend at least a few days conditioning in the safety of a swimming pool.

Second, equipment: To prevent a serious rash and sunburn, try wearing a rash guard or wetsuit. And don’t forget the water resistant sunscreen. When choosing a board for your first ride, longer is better. Longboards take less balance when paddling and are much easier to stand up on. Keep safety in mind and try using a soft top board; that way if you loose control of your board, damage to yourself and others will be minimized.

When you are ready to give it a go, make sure you have someone with you who is experienced in teaching others how to surf and how to follow the proper etiquette in the water. There are rules to the line up (an invisible line just past the break where surfers safely wait for waves) and a code of respect followed by most experienced surfers. Choose a location safe for beginners; it is your responsibility to stay well out of the way of swimmers and other surfers.

Spend plenty of time learning how to paddle out (meaning paddling through the waves to get to the line up) where the waves begin to break. When larger waves come, you need to practice the turtle roll, to get through the wave. To turtle roll you grab hold of the rails of your board and flip upside down in the water to allow the wave to easily pass over you. It is bad form and is dangerous to loose control of your board when avoiding waves.

Once you are comfortable avoiding waves and staying in control while paddling, it’s time to catch a wave. To do this, point your board toward the shore and in the direction the waves are breaking; choose your wave, and paddle like crazy. Once you feel the momentum of the wave pushing you, quickly pop up so you are standing, bend your knees, balance, and ride. However, be prepared to be trashed by the waves on your first few attempts.

Catching waves takes a lot of practice, along with a good sense of timing and a little luck. Don’t be discouraged by the steep learning curve. It may take a lifetime to develop your skills and style, but always remember, “It’s the consciousness.” So stick with it and it will be a lifetime well spent.