The Square Life

With cold temperatures mounting, we are all frantically searching for that perfect and beloved winter accessory: the beanie. Passing through board shops and boutiques you find many delightful options. Yet, with each, the questions arise, “Is this beanie “me”? How do I wear it? What will others think?” Well, fret less; here is a guide that tells you how to wear your beanie and what vibe your beanie transmits.

THE HIPSTER
This is the unisex style of sagging your beanie off the back of your head with partial ear cover and complete bang exposure. This is the wearer that cruises with a deep V neck, wears jeans so tight that cowboys are jealous, and listens to indie music. These wearers are totally ALT! Uhhh . . . like . . . does anyone have a sewing machine?
“Going out is totally lame! Everyone is tryin’ to bite my steez.”

THE SWISS-MISS
This beanie is simple and fun, yet very flattering. Just put your long hair into two cute braids, and then throw on the beanie just enough to cover half your forehead.
These braided beauties love winter and may be found across the ski slopes as well as in the lodge surrounded by lonely lifties. Word of caution: do not take your beanie off, indoors or outdoors. It’s not worth the risk; just ask Omar’s ex-kissing partner.

THE SWEET-BRO This is the brimmed beanie worn just like your summer sales hat—tough. The wearer is the kid that claims big, is big (muscularly), and rocks the freshest True Religions.
This kid is found in the lodge picking-up your girlfriend or at the top of the park waiting to drop.

THE GRANOLA Choose the brightest, craziest, and longest beanie possible. The wearer is all about being different in a granola-orient sort of way. Everywhere granola, chocos, and teleskis are found.

THE LUCHADOR This isn’t just some beanie; it’s a head sock for warmth and identity—secrecy in the wrestling rink. This beanie is worn by the hard core backcountry and snowmobile kids. Can I be El Chingon?

THE ROCKSTAR This beanie is worn by pulling it down so your eyes cannot be seen. Most of the time the wearer has on sunglasses just to ensure he or she is not recognized.
The paparazzi are relentless, so you best have a VIP pass to the illest club to get with this.

THE SNOW BUNNY Owe-owweee! This beanie is worn just to the middle of the forehead with long luscious locks flowing from underneath. And you know this wearer’s beanie matches her purse and shoes. A girl totally has to accessorize!
The bearer of this piece is only in the snow to flaunt what she’s got and kick you to the curb like some hand-me-down tee shirt (don’t worry Aubrey, these are tears of joy).

THE ZOOBER This is the thick fold-up beanie you buy at the book store. All that matters is that the Y logo is facing straight forward. While this style may be far from the runway or its front door, the wearer is only concerned about his or her team pride and staying warm.
This beanie wearer may be found anywhere where there is a crowd.